"DIRQ, THE ICE CREAM-LOVIN' RACCOON" by ROB CAT Ben and Eunice had just wandered away from the picnic grounds, when they'd reached the edge of the forest. Each one of them had a small pack of 'Gummi Worms' with them. Each youngster was slowly munching on the jiggly snack. Just then, Eunice pointed towards a small clearing, where she saw something moving towards them... "Look," she'd said. "It's a raccoon!" "Cool!" said Ben. "Maybe it wants a 'handout'." As the small ringtailed creature approached the kids, they each reached into their respective plastic bags and pulled out a 'gummi worm'. Then, the raccoon stood up on its hind legs, and sniffed the sweet air (made even sweeter with the presence of the candy). It was about to reach out for the snack, when a loud stern voice yelled out, "STOP!!" Frightened, the raccoon scampered back into the woods. Ben and Eunice turned around, to see who'd yelled and scared off their new friend... It was the park ranger, who gave the youngsters a cold hard stare. "It seems that your parents never explained park regulations to you," the ranger said. "It's against the rules to feed the animals here." "We'd meant it no harm," said Eunice. "We just thought he'd like a snack, like we do." "But that's how it starts," said the ranger. "First, you'd offer the raccoon a treat; and then another treat; and then another one... The next thing you know, you've got an animal that's dependent on humans to feed him, instead of an animal that can forage for itself!" Ben asked, "How can that be? I usually thought that most animals like raccoons lived on nuts, berries, and seeds. Surely, one treat isn't going to change his diet just like that? Does it?" "I'm afraid it does," said the ranger. "All it takes is for a raccoon, or any animal, to try some new kind of food, and its appetite shifts dramatically towards it. We've lost many an animal, as a result of man's intervention, here in this park. Feeding them human food is the worst violation of all... "In fact, we had to discontinue several food services that came to this park, not too long ago. One such service was Frost-O-Rama..." "The ice cream company?" asked Ben. "The ones with the ice cream trucks? We used to see them in our neighborhood over the last few summers." "Yeah," said Eunice, "but they haven't been coming to our area this year." "That's because they went out of business," the ranger explained. "And it was all because of 'human intervention'... innocent 'human intervention', but intervention, nevertheless." "What happened?" asked Eunice. "It all began a few months ago, when the park reopened for the new tourist season. Headquarters had just signed a deal with the Frost-O- Rama people, to have one of their ice cream trucks show up at the picnic grounds of the park... "Sometimes, the tourists forget to pack a picnic lunch - or, at least, a dessert of some kind. So, the Frost-O-Rama truck would come by once a day to bring frozen treats to those people. "Unfortunately, many of the tourists are newcomers to our park, and they, too, also forget the rules about not feeding the animals... "Such was the case," said the ranger, "when one youngster - about half your age - was given an ice cream cone, and then wandered away from the picnic grounds. "I was in another section of the park at the time, but (according to some eyewitnesses) the lad did not know what he was doing when he'd approached the forest. "At that same time, a very small grey raccoon - whom we shall call 'Dirq' - strayed away from his family and came within a yard or two of the boy. "They were both curious about each other, and were about to step closer, when the boy's mother yelled at him to come back. "Caught off-guard, as the boy turned, the ice cream fell out of his cone and on to the ground, in front of Dirq. The boy ran back to his mother, who would scold him for straying away, and for almost being bitten by a 'wild animal'... "Dirq was not 'wild' in the strictest sense of the word, but he's still a forest creature, and not one for humans to take lightly. Surprisingly, Dirq wasn't as interested in the boy, as much as he was interested in the strange object he'd left behind... "He slowly walked up to it, sniffed the sweet aroma of vanilla, and licked the white mound of melting ice cream. At first, he backed off from the chilly sensation it gave him, but eventually he got used to the cold, and continued to lick the ice cream, until it was all gone. "From that moment on, Dirq was converted... "He would no longer look for nuts, berries, seeds, or any of the natural foods raccoons would look for in the woods. Dirq craved this new taste, and he wanted more of it. "He creeped along the edge of the forest, until he was within range of the picnic grounds. There, he saw other tourists, finishing their meals and cleaning up after themselves. "He then saw another child eating ice cream from a cone, similar to the one the first youngster was eating from; only this ice cream was a much different color from the first one. Instead of being white, this one was brown. "'Hmm', he'd thought to himself, 'I wonder what brown tastes like?' "He turned, just in time to see the sight of a young girl, also licking an ice cream cone; this time, the ice cream was pink in color. "Dirq then thought, 'So many colors... does each one taste different? I'd like to find out.' "But, as he came up to the children, one of the fathers caught sight of the raccoon, and (using a baseball bat) shooed Dirq away. "Dirq hid behind a tree at the forest's edge, but he didn't go any further; his curiousity about the strange-tasting confection was overwhelming, and he wouldn't leave until he'd tried some more of it. "It was at that point that Dirq focused his attention on where the ice cream cones were coming from... the truck! He saw the image of a cone on the side of the truck, and a man in a white suit passing out ice cream cones of different colors, which he'd pulled out of the truck through a little door in the back. Putting two and two together, Dirq knew that if he was ever to get some of that sweet stuff, he'd have to go through that door, without being caught... "Then, an opportunity presented itself to Dirq. A little girl was crying, when a scoop of her ice cream fell out of its cone. The man in the white suit saw this, reached into the truck to get another scoop of ice cream (to replace the one she'd dropped), and closed the door. But, in his haste of helping out the girl, he couldn't see that he didn't close the door hard enough. So, when he went to the child with the new cone, the little door started to swing back open... "This was the break Dirq had needed. Looking all directions, to be sure no humans would spot him, he quickly drew closer to the truck. Then, with one mighty leap, he grabbed onto the doorway, and climbed inside the truck. "His little eyes nearly popped out of his head, when he saw the many colors of ice cream, each one in a different cannister (each one with their respective lid off). The sunlight, that was barely peeking through the crack in the doorway, gave off a rainbow effect, the likes of which he'd never seen. He was feeling so giddy from the sight, he didn't know which color to sample. He finally settled on the 'white' one, since that was the one he ate first. "Sticking his head in the half-full cannister of vanilla, he began to lick its contents at a furious rate. Dirq didn't even mind the cold interior of the truck. The fact that he was already consuming something as chilly as the surrounding environment was totally neutral to him. "He'd finally reached the bottom of the vanilla cannister, and was about to climb out to sample the next color, when he'd heard someone coming. Thinking fast, Dirq grabbed one of the lids, and covered the container he was already inside... "'Whoops,' said the man in the white suit, 'I mustn't leave this door open, or else all the ice cream inside will melt.' And with that, he'd closed the door tight. "It was now pitch black inside the refrigerated section of the truck, as Dirq peaked out of his hiding place. Despite the fact that there was no light inside, his nocturnal instincts enabled the raccoon to 'feel' his way around. And despite the bitter cold conditions, his sense of smell was just as keen as ever. He was able to sense the aroma of the cannister next to him; and although he couldn't see it clearly, he knew that it was another color of ice cream, just waiting for his salivating palate to sample. "He leaped into the adjoining container (this time, half-full of strawberry), and began to dig in. It was during this feeding frenzy that Dirq suddenly felt movement. The ice cream truck was leaving the park; but the raccoon was so overcome by the fantastic flavor of his newest discovery, he didn't really care where he or the truck were heading... "Throughout the journey, Dirq sampled every flavor in each cannister. He'd feasted on French chocolate, satiated on strawberry, crammed pralines and cream down his gullet, and gorged on butter pecan. Naturally, the more ice cream he'd consumed, the fatter he became. By the time he'd emptied his eighth cannister of ice cream, Dirq was barely able to squeeze his rounded body into the ninth one, and reach the contents at the bottom. At that moment, he'd felt the truck stopped moving! "Panicky, the rotund raccoon quickly forced himself out of the cardboard container. Dirq knew if that door opened, and the man in the white suit saw all those empty cannisters, suspicious eyes would be pointed to him! "All seemed hopeless, until he got a brilliant idea. He grabbed the lids, and covered each cannister, so that the human would not see that they'd been emptied by a very hungry raccoon. When he'd placed the lid on the next-to-the-last cannister, Dirq finally squeezed his plump body (backwards) into the very last one; then grabbing the last lid, covered himself in his (very snug) hiding place... "He was just in time. The door of the refrigerated section opened up... 'That's funny, Charlie,' said the man in the white suit. 'I don't recall closing up the ice cream containers, before leaving the park...' "'Ah, you usually have so many deliveries to make,' said an unseen voice (probably Charlie), 'that you're bound to forget what you're doing by the time your shift ends!' "'You're probably right,' said the man in the white suit. "Carefully, Dirq raised the lid of his hiding place, just enough for his eyes to peek through and see the open door - his only means of escape. "'I'll restock the truck in the morning,' said the man in the white suit, and (with his back towards the truck) began to shut the door. "'Cripes!' thought Dirq. 'If he shuts that door, I'll never get out of here!' "Desperate to escape (but not TOO desperate to be caught), the resourceful raccoon took the lid of his hiding place, and flung it towards the closing door. Miraculously, it acted as a wedge between the doorway and the latch, thus preventing said door from actually locking. "'Now to make a break for it,' thought Dirq. But that was easier said than done; he first had to extricate his chubby body from the cannister he'd forced himself into (when he hid in the first place). He was only capable of getting his upper torso out of the can, but his lower half was stuck fast. And although he could move his hind legs inside, they had nowhere to go, as the lining of the cannister was too slick from the ice cream (now melted by his body heat). "He finally leaned forward, tilting the can until it tipped over. Now, Dirq was crawling towards the unlocked door with only his forepaws - dragging both his larger-than-normal trunk and the cannister. As he reached the door, he carefully pushed it open - just a crack - so that he can see where he was. It looked like the inside of some sort of man-made structure. Then, Dirq checked to see if anyone was around... There was! "The man in the white suit and Charlie were over by a large clock with cards. They were about to 'punch out' for the night... "The white-suited man asked Charlie, 'What about all that vanilla ice cream being prepared for tomorrow's deliveries?' "'No problem,' said Charlie. 'The automated system will have all those containers filled, packed, and sealed by the time you check in...' "And with that, the two humans left the building, with Charlie locking the door behind him. "'Ah,' thought Dirq, 'the coast is clear.' He pushed the door open all the way, and began to climb out; but he was still stuck in the cannister. So, when he tried to crawl out, part of the container was snagging onto the doorway. Dirq leaned forward as far as he could, tilting the bottom of the can upward. When he did THAT, the melted ice cream inside began to ooze between the can and his wedged body, acting as a lubricant. Within seconds, Dirq was able to pull his chubby self out... only to land flat on the floor with a slightly, sloshy plop! "It was only then, when he arose, that Dirq noticed how much larger he'd become from all that eating. He was just barely able to stand up on his hindpaws (which was now obscured by his bulging belly, when he looked down). He returned to all fours, and (with his stomach scraping the floor), he started towards the door that Charlie had locked... when he'd suddenly stopped to smell something in the air. "It was an aroma so strong and so sweet, Dirq froze for what seemed like an eternity - just to take it all in. 'It's that white stuff,' thought the raccoon. 'Someone must be eating a lot of it here!' "Following his nose, he slowly waddled to the source of the smell. He came upon a large pair of swinging doors, which he was easily able to push open (with the added weight from his earlier repast). "When Dirq entered the next room, his mouth dropped open at the sight. A huge machine was dispensing vanilla ice cream into cannisters (like the ones he ate from), one can at a time. Each can was nearly filled to the top, then moved along on a conveyor belt into another room (where a lid would be placed on top, followed by a plastic seal to make sure that the lid stayed on firmly). Of course, Dirq couldn't take his eyes off of the vanilla ice cream, pouring into each cardboard vessel... "'I've hit pay dirt!' thought the estatic ringtail. 'I've got to have some of that white stuff NOW!' "In spite of the fact that he was heavier than usual, Dirq used every ounce of his strength to climb upon the belt, and - pushing aside one of the empty cannisters - sat up on the belt, positioned himself under the dispensing nozzle, and opened his mouth wide! "However, the surge from the nozzle was so great, that Dirq was only able to take in one mouthful of vanilla ice cream, while the rest of the 'white stuff' covered his face and body, temporarily blinding him. When the rush had ended, the conveyor belt moved along for the next can to fill up. Dirq was able to wipe the ice cream off of his face, just in time to see that he was almost in the next room, and he was about to have a lid put on his head! "He quickly scampered back the way he'd came, and (returning to the dispenser room), jumped off the belt. "Dirq began to ponder his situation. 'This stuff's too good to waste,' he'd thought, 'but how can I eat it, and avoid getting covered in it?' "He thought, and he thought, and then he thought some more. He then began to look around the entire room for something that might aid him in his quest for the 'white treasure'... when he saw IT! "In the corner of the dispenser room, there was a fire hose ('only to be used in an extreme emergency' it had read). 'Well,' thought Dirq, 'if THIS isn't an emergency, nothing is!' "Using the cannister he'd knocked off of the belt, he was able to climb up to the hose, and pull all of the lengthy tubing off of the wall. He then dragged one end back to the belt, and climbed upon it (at the point where the cannisters first entered the room). With hose in tow, he was able to turn one of the cannisters upside-down, and climbed to the bottom (now on top)... "'I've got to time this just right,' thought Dirq, as he once again drew nearer to the dispenser. "Then, as he got directly underneath the nozzle (from atop the cannister), he'd mustered all of his strength, and forced the open end of the fire hose over the opening of the dispenser, and screwed it on as tight as he could. It held! "'I knew it!' thought Dirq, triumphantly. 'These opposable thumbs ARE good for something besides scratching ourselves!' "Then, Dirq noticed a bulge in the hose, as the vanilla ice cream began to surge from the dispenser into it. Quickly, he jumped off of the belt, and made a bee-line for the other end of the hose, so as not to miss a drop of the 'white stuff'... "Grabbing the other end of the fire hose, which (in itself) consisted of a nozzle, he placed his tiny mouth over the opening, just in time for the first rush of vanilla ice cream! "A large mass of 'white stuff' flowed out of the hose, through the mouth, and down his throat within seconds. Dirq savored the moment... but only briefly, as another wave of vanilla made its way from the dispenser. "'This is great,' thought Dirq, 'but I'm hardly getting a chance to taste this white stuff. Maybe I'd better find a way to slow this down...' "But, it was too late. The first few helpings of vanilla ice cream were his undoing. Each helping was nearly the size of a cannister; and after three of them, poor Dirq was already filled up to the point that his now-distended body had enveloped his arms and legs. So, he couldn't reach up to his mouth to remove the nozzle, and his mouth was too small to eject it. "His furry body was now the size of an overinflated beach ball, filling up faster and faster with vanilla ice cream. He became so round and obese, that he fell over backwards, making him unable to see the dispenser over his bountiful belly. He'd tried in vain to spit out the nozzle; but all he'd accomplished was having his cheeks puff up to an incredible size (each one as large as his head)! "An hour later, Dirq had swelled up to the size of a small weather balloon, and the dispenser continued its non-stop job. Empty cannisters entering the room were knocked off the belt by the hose, and had already piled up three-deep, next to the ever-expanding raccoon. "'Doesn't this thing ever get empty?!' thought a very frustrated Dirq, as he felt every fluid ounce of ice cream flowing through his entire swollen body. 'If this doesn't stop, I'm going to explode!' "Hour after hour passed, and Dirq grew larger and larger, in a competition with the pile of empty cans, which couldn't keep up with him. "'What's to become of me?!' thought Dirq, as the umpteen-thousandth helping of vanilla made its way into him, and he began to feel his head sinking into his body, which became larger than the very truck that brought him to the Frost-O-Rama factory to begin with!... "By dawn, Charlie and the man in the white suit had just arrived to start their daily shift in the factory. But when they'd entered the factory, they saw a mess in the room with the time clock. An open door on the truck, and an empty cannister, with melted ice cream smeared all over the floor. A closer examination showed that there were very tiny footprints coming from that cannister... footprints that led to the dispenser room! "'We'll probably find the perpetrator of this mess in the next room', said Charlie. 'You get a broom, and we'll chase 'im out of here...' "The two humans, each armed with a broom, expected to deal with some sort of small vermin; but they were in for a surprise, when they had passed through the large swinging doors... "The silence was broken by the loud clatter of their brooms, when they hit the ground simultaneously. The two men were speechless, at the sight that laid before them. On one side of the dispenser room was a pile of empty cardboard containers, many of them crushed by what was on the other side... "There, before their very eyes, was a gigantic greyish fur-covered sphere, towering over them. Its height was nearly equal to that of the ice- cream dispensing machine (which finally shut down, having ran out of vanilla), and its width was greater than two of the company's own trucks! "Every once in a while, the silence was further broken by a rumbling, gurgling sound that emanated from within the grey sphere. "Slowly, the two men approached the humongous object, and circled it. On one side, Charlie had found a hose sticking out, the nozzle of which was buried within. On the other side, the white-suited man saw what looked like a grey-and-black striped tail - the only appendage that didn't seem to be enveloped by the massive orb. "'Unless I miss my guess,' analyzed Charlie, 'this is one big mother of a raccoon!' "'Well, what are we going to do?!' queried the white-suited man. 'If the folks at Frost-O-Rama ever find out about THIS, we'll be 'pounding the pavement', posthaste!' "'The only thing we CAN do is remove the raccoon, and deny everything!' "The two men agreed, and set about their task... which wasn't easy. "First, Charlie carefully removed the fire hose from Dirq's mouth (after sticking his hands inside, just to locate the buried head). Fortunately, none of the ice cream Dirq consumed had gushed out, as the enveloped head prevented it from doing so... "Meanwhile, the man in the white suit, using a sledge hammer, began to widen the doorway, where the trucks usually enter, later in the day. "'Hurry up!' cried Charlie. 'We'll never be able to explain this to our associates, if they show up early!' "In record time, the two humans were able to make a bigger doorway to the factory, large enough for Dirq's massive body to pass through. They began to slowly roll the rotund raccoon outside, only to stop once in a while whenever they'd heard another gurgling sound (for fear that he would burst). They'd finally manuevered the gigantic grey blob behind a very tall Frost-O-Rama billboard, where no one usually goes (except for the poster pasters). "'Now what?!' asked the white-suited man. "'Let's clean up the mess back in the factory,' said Charlie, 'and try to fill up as many cannisters as we can, before the other drivers show up!' "They were only able to refill a dozen or so cans, when the early crew arrived. The two men couldn't give the obvious explanation that a raccoon consumed any entire day's inventory of ice cream; so that concocted a story about some vandals who broke into the factory during the night, and stole all of the vanilla... "One driver was skeptical. 'How do you explain all of the empty drums on the floor?' he'd asked. "'They must've used some sort of tanker truck to haul the goods out,' said Charlie. "That explains the enlarged doorway..." "'...and they must've used the fire hose to transfer the ice cream from the dispenser into the truck,' the white-suited man said, continuing the lie. "The other drivers bought the explanation, picked up the few cannisters they were able to put into their respective trucks, and drove off to their appointed destinations. "'Now what?!' the man in the white suit asked. "''Now, we've got to hide the raccoon,' said Charlie. "'Hide THAT raccoon?!" questioned the white-suited man. 'It would be easier to conceal an elephant at a petting zoo!' "'Look,' Charlie explained, 'the woods are full of raccoons. We could just ditch him in the nearest forest.' "'How are we going to get him there? ROLL him all the way to the woods?' "'No, we'll need something to transport him in... I have a friend who owes me a favor. I'll phone him right now...' "Well, Charlie's friend just happened to be a lumberjack, who owned a very large flatbed truck (which he used to transport fallen trees). When the lumberjack arrived at the ice cream factory with the truck, he asked Charlie what the truck was needed for. He took him to the billboard, which Dirq was still hidden behind. The lumberjack nearly fell over backwards at the sight of the overstuffed animal! "Sworn to secrecy, the lumberjack promised not to tell anyone about the gigantic raccoon he was about to transport to the forest. (He dared not tell anyone, for fear they'll think he was drinking on the job, and he'd lose his truck driver's license in the process.) "Constructing a makeshift ramp out of several boards, the three humans pushed the rotund raccoon up onto the flatbed truck, and carefully strapped him down with half-a-dozen cloth belts. "Charlie instructed the white-suited man to stay behind at the factory, and continue restocking the cannisters with vanilla ice cream. 'My lumberjack friend and I will drop the raccoon off in a remote part of the forest. I'll come back later on and help you with the clean-up.' "Charlie and the lumberjack drove Dirq into a deep part of the woods with a dirt road; a road that was very bumpy. Every time they hit a bump or a pothole, the two humans could hear their furry passenger's massive stomach sloshing and splashing. Looking through the rear-view mirror, Charlie could even see Dirq's girth undulate with each violent vibration. "Finally, they reached an area so remote, even the lumberjack never drove this far before. Unfortunately, the area had a slight incline; and when the two humans tried to unload their corpulent passenger, something unexpected happened... "In lowering Dirq down the makeshift ramp, the lumberjack accidentally lost his footing... "'Look out!' shouted Charlie. "The lumberjack dove out of the way in time, preventing himself from being crushed under the weight of their ice-cream filled cargo. But, by now, Dirq was beginning to gather momentum, and continued to roll down the incline faster and faster. Like a giantic grey wrecking ball, he would knock down trees in his path. And the sounds of the cracking timber were punctuated with a blooping noise, coming from within the raccoon's 'white stuff'-filled bloated belly. "'Let's get outta here!' cried the lumberjack. And, with that, he and Charlie raced the flatbed truck out of the remote area, leaving Dirq to continue his uncontrollable journey - his bulging body bouncing and rolling off into the distant unknown... "As for Charlie and the man in the white suit," explained the park ranger (as he finished up his story), "they were eventually 'laid off' from their jobs. The executives at Frost-O-Rama couldn't care less whether it was thieves in the night or a gargantuan raccoon with a sweet tooth that made off with the vanilla ice cream. The fact was, one whole day's net worth was lost; and it was enough for the company to end up filing for 'Chapter 11' bankruptcy. And that was the REAL reason why you don't see any more Frost-O-Rama ice cream trucks in your neighborhood..." After a long pause, it was Ben and Eunice's turn to give the ranger a long, hard stare. Finally, Ben spoke up... "You know, sir," he said, "you and that raccoon have a lot in common." "Oh, really?" asked the ranger. "Yeah," said Ben. "You're both FULL OF IT!!!" The ranger frowned. "Oh, you don't believe me?" "No!" said Eunice. "No raccoon could eat that much of ANYTHING!" "Alright," said the ranger, "looks like I'll have to prove you two 'Doubting Thomases' wrong." And, taking each youngster by the hand, he led them deep into the woods... The trio reached a small clearing, with a spectacular view of the mountains off in the distance. "So, what are you trying to do?" asked Eunice. "I want to prove to you two that I'm not making up this story," the ranger explained. "I'm taking you to see Dirq himself." "Oh, really?" said a very skeptical Ben. "Where is he supposed to be? Hidden somewhere behind this giant grey boulder?" "No," stated the ranger. "That giant grey boulder IS Dirq!" The two kids were taken aback. "No way!" said Ben. "It's Dirq, all right," said the ranger confidently. "Just feel for yourself." Ben and Eunice took turns touching what they still thought was a giant boulder; but they felt cool fur instead of cold moss. Ben pressed the soft outer wall, and saw it pulsate slightly (and gurgle from inside), like a giant water bed. "It feels a little cold," said Eunice. "Is-is-is he dead?" "No," said the ranger, "he's in a state of 'hibernation', sleeping as he's in the process of living off his own body fat... Of course, at this rate, he probably won't return to his normal size for years." The ranger took the children around to the other side of Dirq's massive form, where a piece of green tubing was sticking out. "I had to insert part of a garden hose into his mouth, so that he could still breathe. Otherwise, he would've smothered to death under all that blubber. It will probably be another year before his head, arms and legs will emerge from all of that fat." "Does Dirq still eat ice cream?" asked Ben. "Not anymore," explained the ranger. "He'd reached his 'saturation point', and is now repulsed by the sight or smell of any dairy product. "I still feed him, once in a while," he continued, pointing to the piece of garden hose. "I usually drop a few berries in there, or pour a little water, just to keep him slightly nourished. It's all part of Dirq's 'rehabilitation program'... "And that's why I keep telling campers and tourists, like you, not to feed the animals. The consequences are quite staggering." "So, we see," said Eunice, "I'm just glad that Dirq was your only casualty." "What makes you think HE's the ONLY one?!" asked the ranger, pointing all around the area where Dirq was situated. "Doesn't it strike you kids as mildly odd, that some of these other 'boulders' in this area are of different colors and shades?" "You mean?..." queried Ben. "That's right, kiddo!" said the ranger, and once again taking Ben and Eunice by the hand, proceeded to give them the 'grand tour'. "Over here, we have a grizzly bear who had a 'marshmallow fetish'. I had to use a transquilizer dart just to sedate her... Of course, by then, she had consumed enough of them to feed every Boy and Girl Scout in America! "And here's a red fox - though you'd never know he was one by his puffed-up shape. He had a 'thing' for cookies, especially chocolate chip ones... "And this striped 'rock' is actually a skunk who loved candy-coated raisins, and other sweet snacks... And over there's a squirrel who could never get enough of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches... And this badger who pigged out 'smores last season..." And the ranger continued showing the kids (their eyes as big as saucers) all of the sated, obese beasts in this very remote part of the forest - the sound of his voice trailing off, only to be punctuated with an occasional gurgling sound coming from the abundant abdomen of one of the 'boulders' - with Dirq's being the most audible of all. *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * (NOTE: The name Dirq [pronounced like 'Dirk'] was conceived in a very unique way; if you advance each letter in the name three places forward, it spells out the word 'GLUT' - which, obviously, describes the raccoon in a nutshell!)